Friday, March 6, 2009

STRAIGHT TALKIN' JESUS: Limbaugh in Satanic pact.

Today,with millions praying for a Rush Limbaugh heart attack, Jesus donned his straight talkin' hat and posted this dispatch from the road.

STJ: Salutations all, Jesus here. I want to let people know that I have heard the pleas for the death of Mr. Limbaugh, and I have to tell you all, there is nothing I can do. You'll have to send your requests to Satan for this one, he's had the papers on Limbaugh for several years now.

Apparently, it was the depths of an Oxycontin bender in 2005 that had Rush sell out the remaining interest on his withered soul while on a drug junket to Havana. Coincidentally, Limbaugh did indeed have recent heart failure and was clinically dead for thirty-seven minutes this past Monday before being "miraculously" revived. It was the eleventh heart attack and eighth death that Limbaugh has suffered since signing his deal with the Devil. Sadly for this world however, the republican party and Beelzebub have a deal in place that will keep Rush alive for at least seven more months, with an option on monthly roll-overs after that. Rush Limbaugh is indeed far from alone in this, as the Republicans have a veritable Satan's Army on their payroll.

Well, everyone take care, we'll talk soon. Jesus.

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