Friday, January 9, 2009

Straight Talkin' Jesus: The Interview



We here at the Treehorn are happy to announce the return of JESUS! Roger Ninepipe (RN) interviews the King, poolside from Chuck Barkley's house in Scottsdale Arizona. Here is part one.

RN: It's great to see you again Jesus, welcome!
JC: Hello Roger, it's good to be here.
RN: Firstly, let me tell you, that shirt is fantastic. Is it an actual Papa Johns uniform?
JC: It's the real deal. I have been delivering pies for a couple of weeks now, I've learned quite a bit.
RN: It appeared that you were dropped off here for the interview by Michael Bolton, are you two working together?
JC: Mike is managing the Division street location, he's been great. My first day I was stiffed on two large Hawaiian luau specials, that is about a thirty-five dollar loss. Mike was a little upset but really stayed supportive, the patience of Job with this guy! My final day is next wednesday, and Mike has promised to take me golfing.
RN: Mercy!
JC: I'll say.
RN: It was nice of Charles Barkley to let us get together here by his pool. How did you come to choose this location?
JC: Chuck has had some troubles with his driving of recent, but we actually were already close. I first got to know him through a ventriloquist class that he was teaching last year over at the community college.
RN: You're joking!
JC: Why would I lie? I love the old vaudvillian arts, and I've wanted to try my hand since meeting Waylon Flowers at a Hollywood Squares reunion a while back (Jesus motion towards the heavens at this point). Interestingly, his mortal life ended when he was beaten to death with his own dummy, that outrageous Madame. You know, for a while there I really thought she was alive.
RN: I am speechless.
JC: Anyway, Charles is a really terrific ventriloquist. He has an act with an old-west era asian dummy. They have a schtik set up around building the railroads that will make you pee in your pants. Very un-PC however.
RN: Now I've heard it all.
JC: Not even close my friend.

Next in part II: Jesus talks bailout.

1 comment:

Morgan said...

Oh fuck, this is awesome!!!