Saturday, January 10, 2009

JESUS: The Interview, Part II

EDITOR"S NOTE: This is the second installment of the Roger Ninepipe interview with Jesus, from Charles Barley's poolside cabana in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Roger Ninepipe: Jesus, let's talk a bit on current events. We have a new President here in the States, did you follow the election?

JC: Yes.

RN: Your thoughts?

JC: Well, to say the least, it was nice to see Americans pull their heads out of their proverbial rear-ends. Obama is the real deal there, a natural leader of this country as opposed to a corporate figurehead, which is what you had for the past eight years.
To say that I was shocked at the performance of this Bush/Cheney disaster? Really? I have not seen a more dangerous group of men and women hold power over a free people in human history. It has always taken totalitarianism in some form or fashion, a dictator with unchecked control for example, to inflict such heavy-handedness upon a system. But you all let it happen. Yes, I know all about the vast numbers who disagreed with this agenda, but where did that lead? Reelection is what happened, and another four years of these greedy bastards. I'll give you the Supreme court fiasco that put this idiocy in motion, but to reelect this group of evil clowns... I hate to say it, but you got what you deserved.

RN: Whew.

JC: Hey, you wanted the word, yes? I will tell you one thing: there is going to be some very nervous souls approaching the Pearly Gates in the next few years. I am going to take a very personal involvement on those dates. Let's just say, fellas, if your last name rhymes with sheney, or moolfowitz, or bumsfeld then you better plan on a very warm eternity.

RN: What about rhymes with tush? Haven't you forgot about him?

JC: The jury is out on that fellow, there is quite a bit of gray area there. George has a pair of very dirty hands, but to the extent that he knowingly participated in malfeasance and evil well, we are talking about a man of very limited intelligence here.

RN: Many people honestly believe that his goonery and buffoonery has been an act, and that he is much smarter than he has let on.

JC: Nope. He's a doofus for sure, with the IQ and emotional maturity of a seventeen year-old high school dropout. He believes what he is told, and they told him some very heavy things. He's not off the hook by any means, there's a lot that he's accountable for and he certainly has some work to do with his soulful future, but I have hope. The others? Michael Vick has a better chance of becoming president of the ASPCA. It just isn't going to happen.

RN: Let's talk economy. How about this bailout for corporate America?

JC: You all know where I stand on greed and avarice. THE RICHEST 300,000 AMERICANS HAVE A GREATER INCOME THAN THE BOTTOM 150 MILLION. It should come as no surprise to anyone that the American government takes care of it's own. These CEOs are literally stealing from the American public, and laughing all the way. Again, I will be taking a very active role in the soulful journeys of these characters. Let me give you a hint Roger, there a re very few people of wealth where I come from. For any number of reasons, they just don't seem to get it in time. Your system is a culpable enabler, it does not reward selfless wealth and development. I see great potential in capitalism, it just is not being handled correctly.

RN: But Obama, you endorse his leadership?

JC: I have an Obamanos! sticker on my Volvo. We have a good relationship, he and I. You all are in good hands with that bunch, a very good family there. His wife is going to surprise a lot of folks with her work, and those kids are going to be an inspiration. Also, I have to tell you this, his brother-in-law Craig Robinson is in his first year of coaching the Oregon State Beavers basketball team. It's been said that it would take an act of God to put a winner back on the court in Corvallis. Keep an eye on that team and that coach, that's all I am saying.

NEXT in Part III: The lighter side of JC

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